The keys to a long lasting relationship: why sex misses the point

  Before we go into the body of this post, I would like to say a big “thank you” to you for always dropping by. You are the best, and I love you.  

My day practically started by 9am. After a retreat that lasted from 10pm to 1am,  I knew I needed an adequate sleep but I also knew I wouldn’t get that, atleast not until the morning devotion was over by 6am; it lasts for an hour. Up until now,I still can’t remember what the message was…i couldn’t help but sleep, all I remember was running off to continue my sleep after sharing the “grace”.  

When I finally stood up by 9, I was sure of an adequate rest…now I could do the morning devotion that sleep hindered. One of my room-mates passed me a book, and said someone told him to give it to me…it was a book a dear friend  had borrowed- “Boy meets girl” by Joshua Harris. I carefully placed it on my clinical text book, as I told my room-mate of my plans; not reading any “relationship books” for now.  

Last week, I started studying one of Apostle Paul’s letters to the Corinthian church..my plan was to continue from chapter two of first Corinthians, but I ended up openning the book of Genesis and there stood in front of me the very thing I was running away from- RELATIONSHIP. This post basically contains the things that my mind were opened to as I read the second chapter of Genesis.  

“The man and his wife were both naked and they felt no shame” Genesis 2:25

I consider this as the deepest level of intimacy. To futher understand the subject matter, I had to check my mobile dictionary for the meaning of the words “shame” and “naked”.  

Shame: a painful emotion resulting from an awareness of inadequacy or guilt.  

Naked: having no protection or concealing.

  From the above bible verse, permit me to coin a definition for intimacy.

Intimacy can be defined as a level in relationship where there are no painful emotions resulting from an awareness of our mate/partner’s inadequacies…here, the truth/facts are laid bare without any covering.
  Do you know that Adam and Eve became intimate with one another before sex was ever mentioned? That’s because intimacy is not founded on/defined by physical(sexual) involvement with one another but on a mental/ soulish connection obtained from an awareness of a defenseless and an unconcealed truth.  You know, it’s very possible for us to act in our best behaviours the first time we meet a person…and that’s why intimacy can not be defined by love at first sight or physical attraction.  

Sex is not the essence of marriage! If it were, the bible would have recorded;

“…and he(God) brought her to the man(Adam), and he had sex with her“, but no that wasn’t the bible’s account. Infact, there was no record of “sex” until the fourth chapter of Genesis(after they were sent out of the garden.  

Would you say that they were shy to do it in the open with all the animals staring at them or that God didn’t approve of such an unholy act within His holy garden? A thousand times no!  

My room-mate’s response to that question was that Adam didn’t know about sex then. But I stand to disagree, because Adam knew things he wasn’t meant to know logically speaking…he was the same guy that gave all the animals their names and though he was in a deep sleep when God formed his wife Eve, as soon as he woke up he knew she was the bone of his bone. I bet Adam knew about sex, and much more -he also knew about the right order and progression to building a relationship (even with his wife) .

The truth of the matter is that, God is the originator and inventor of sex- an act, designed to foster(not create) intimacy in marriage.  

The devil’s intention and actions has always been to pervert the truth. Sex before marriage is a progression in a wrong direction. God is a God of process and progression, and in His infinite wisdom He fashioned a relationship to grow in a linear progression, that is from a soulish(friendship) to a spirit(fellowship) to a bodily pattern(meant for marriage),  and not the reverse-a desire for sex without friendship nor fellowship.

The devil has succeeded in getting people to rush for the finish point before ever starting the race, a twist in a God-progression which eventually leads to break up and divorce.

  Our world has taught us that intimacy is built with our clothes off (in bed), true intimacy is attained with our clothes on, in the place of friendship and fellowship.    
It’s been a week, but last week Saturday( 5th of October ) was one of the sweetest and most beautiful days in this year, and I haven’t recovered from that experience. It was a time spent with a dear friend(and Christian writer…you need to read her short stories- they are absolutely graceful, fellowshipping with one another as we shared our faith in Christ and relate on a soulish level, in an atmosphere of pure love(without “ulterior”motives or physical involvement). I would trade anything for such moments of intimacy.  

Focussing on sex and other forms of physical involvement is only a deception of the devil to make us major on the minor and minor on the major . There is a proper place for sex (which is in marriage -to enhance a relationship that has been built on friendship and fellowship), and God designed it for our pleasure and His glory.  

Sex does not and can not sustain a marriage, more less a pre-marriage relationship!  

PS. To all those who are yet unmarried(and that includes me)…the essence of a pre-marriage relationship should be to build friendship and fellowship; to get to a point of soul merging, not sexual meeting.  

Hope you were blessed?

Feel free to “like”, share and add your comments.  

Have you accepted Jesus as your Lord and Saviour?

If not, please kindly say this simple prayer:  

Dear Jesus, thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. Today, I believe in my heart and I proclaim with my mouth that God raised you from the dead. I receive the salvation you offer and I declare you as Lord over my life. I am now a new creation and all things have become new. Praise God, hallelujah!    

Always remember,you are deeply loved, highly valued and always accepted by God.

Peace & love.xo  

Anuoluwapo Ademuyiwa

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35 thoughts on “The keys to a long lasting relationship: why sex misses the point

  1. Dee October 13, 2013 at 6:01 am Reply

    You couldn’t have put it any better! Preach on hun!

    • Anuoluwapo Ademuyiwa October 14, 2013 at 11:26 pm Reply

      Wink* it’s the Lord doing my dear. Thanks abunch Sugar! You rock.

  2. Ngozi October 13, 2013 at 10:38 am Reply

    this is good stuff. God bless u

    • Anuoluwapo Ademuyiwa October 14, 2013 at 9:39 pm Reply

      Thank you so much Ngozi,really appreciate your comment. God bless you too. Peace&love

  3. jide October 13, 2013 at 10:47 am Reply

    Nice one!

    • Anuoluwapo Ademuyiwa October 14, 2013 at 11:27 pm Reply

      Thanks for dropping by and adding your comment sir, it means a lot to me. God bless

  4. James Abraham Olamilekan October 13, 2013 at 8:08 pm Reply

    What an outpouring of God’s mind. Its an eye opener. It will help purge out the gross misconception of the word “INTIMACY” and encourage the adoption of a life style that is pleasing unto God.

    The devil has a counterfeit of what God has and he has succeeded having people’s mind obsessed with his stereotypic desires.

    This post is a practical guide to living aright. Pls, give it the widest coverage possible.

    Well done bro. God will continue to abound you with wisdom and prudence to communicate His mind.

    Gr8 work.

    • Anuoluwapo Ademuyiwa October 14, 2013 at 9:55 pm Reply

      Thanks for your awesome comment bro, that’s very kind and sweet of you. God wants the very best for us, He cares about every single area of our lives and also wants our relationships to grow with increasing love and intimacy. A big amen to your prayer sir, am glad you were blessed. Thanks for sharing the post, bless your darling heart, peace&love.

  5. Dagunduro Olajumoke October 13, 2013 at 9:56 pm Reply

    Was blessed… So true….pls 4ward to lots n lots of ppl… What u don’t know might be killing you!

    • Anuoluwapo Ademuyiwa October 14, 2013 at 9:57 pm Reply

      So glad to know you were blessed my dear, and thanks for taking out time to share the post with your bbm contacts. God bless your darling heart Olajumoke.

  6. kay-impact October 13, 2013 at 10:41 pm Reply

    God bless u bro. Ds is awesome

    • Anuoluwapo Ademuyiwa October 14, 2013 at 9:52 pm Reply

      It’s the Lord’s doing sir, thanks bro. Bless your darling heart.

  7. folarin October 14, 2013 at 3:19 pm Reply

    Truth all d way….splendid

  8. keleeno October 14, 2013 at 11:57 pm Reply

    Nice1 bro

  9. Happy Zhou October 15, 2013 at 12:14 pm Reply

    Its true, the best of of relationship starts with friendship. Sex is meant to enhance friendship- and fellowship once it has progressed naturally into marriage and not physically into marriage. Most people mistaken the connection built on friendship and fellowship with that of sex. Blame it on the new era, and the devils kingdom.we are made to think they are we are in love only because we have had sex, yet sex only enhances and creates a deep feeling. reflecting back on my past relationships those that began with physical activity, never lasted. and deep down inside me, when it happened before establishing friendship and fellowship i knew it wasn’t going to last.

    A great account, consider it re-blogged!!

  10. Happy Zhou October 15, 2013 at 12:23 pm Reply

    Reblogged this on fiveavenue and commented:
    Its true, the best form of relationship starts with friendship. Sex is meant to enhance friendship- and fellowship once it has progressed naturally into marriage and not physically into marriage. Most people mistaken the connection built on friendship and fellowship with that of sex. Blame it on the new era, and the devils kingdom. the devil has a kingdom if you didn’t figured!! from media and entertainment and social trends-the first world circular society, we are made to think that we have found love through having had sex, yet sex only enhances and creates a deep feelings which are have a weak foundation if not established properly. Reflecting back on my past relationships those that began with physical activity, never lasted and deep down inside me, when it happened before establishing friendship and fellowship i knew it wouldn’t even last.

    On record i have some friendships that have moved into relationship, well through making a friend and saving the rest for later. The great thing is that i saved myself the pain, of breakups with those that did not go anywhere beyond friendship and fellowship. Sex ties your soul to another person’s soul, strangely enough. The devil uses the devastating breakup as an opportunity to take hold of you, and your life. something that has led many into a state of confusion and helplessness, drugs, alcohol, more sex and misery.

    No rush, bypass the crush and make a friend first! before you know it you’l be enjoying the soulful sex of marriage, in the deep connection already established in friendship and fellowship.

    • GoldmarQue October 23, 2013 at 9:43 am Reply

      The world today has just made things upside down… This is a write up everyone should read n I pray for Grace and understanding upon us all. Thanks 4 sharing 🙂

      • Anuoluwapo Ademuyiwa October 23, 2013 at 4:58 pm

        Yeah my dear…what we see nowadays are people who are in relationships with a wrong mindset -“what’s in it for them”. They major on the minor and minor on the major. Thanks alot for your comment my dear friend, it means alot to me. Bless your darling heart.peace&love.xo

      • Happy Zhou October 24, 2013 at 1:58 am

        yes indeed, very soon they will read it…we just have to find a way to spread these messages more effectively whilst taking advantage of the current technology around us. Thanks for the grace and mercy prayer..more posts will be coming on on foodforthepsirtualsoul.wordpress.com and fiveavenue.wordpress.com

    • GoldmarQue October 23, 2013 at 9:52 am Reply

      Well said

  11. Akinyemi Adebayo October 16, 2013 at 6:33 am Reply

    Correct!

  12. Akinfenwa Abosede Ajibulu October 17, 2013 at 12:17 pm Reply

    The lord will continue to strenghten u,wish they will listen n harken 2 God’s voice.WELDONE

  13. […] The keys to a long lasting relationship: why sex misses the point. […]

  14. GoldmarQue October 23, 2013 at 9:49 am Reply

    The world has made everything upside down today. I pray this gets to as many ppl as possible and I pray for Grace and understanding upon us all. Thanks for sharing 🙂

  15. […] The keys to a long lasting relationship: why sex misses the point (cloud10site.wordpress.com) […]

  16. jojo March 16, 2014 at 9:45 pm Reply

    Such a beautiful write up

    • Anuoluwapo Ademuyiwa March 17, 2014 at 2:03 pm Reply

      Aww….thanks alot for thoughtful comment jojo. Bless your darling heart.

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