The keys to a long lasting relationship: why sex misses the point

  Before we go into the body of this post, I would like to say a big “thank you” to you for always dropping by. You are the best, and I love you.  

My day practically started by 9am. After a retreat that lasted from 10pm to 1am,  I knew I needed an adequate sleep but I also knew I wouldn’t get that, atleast not until the morning devotion was over by 6am; it lasts for an hour. Up until now,I still can’t remember what the message was…i couldn’t help but sleep, all I remember was running off to continue my sleep after sharing the “grace”.  

When I finally stood up by 9, I was sure of an adequate rest…now I could do the morning devotion that sleep hindered. One of my room-mates passed me a book, and said someone told him to give it to me…it was a book a dear friend  had borrowed- “Boy meets girl” by Joshua Harris. I carefully placed it on my clinical text book, as I told my room-mate of my plans; not reading any “relationship books” for now.  

Last week, I started studying one of Apostle Paul’s letters to the Corinthian church..my plan was to continue from chapter two of first Corinthians, but I ended up openning the book of Genesis and there stood in front of me the very thing I was running away from- RELATIONSHIP. This post basically contains the things that my mind were opened to as I read the second chapter of Genesis.  

“The man and his wife were both naked and they felt no shame” Genesis 2:25

I consider this as the deepest level of intimacy. To futher understand the subject matter, I had to check my mobile dictionary for the meaning of the words “shame” and “naked”.  

Shame: a painful emotion resulting from an awareness of inadequacy or guilt.  

Naked: having no protection or concealing.

  From the above bible verse, permit me to coin a definition for intimacy.

Intimacy can be defined as a level in relationship where there are no painful emotions resulting from an awareness of our mate/partner’s inadequacies…here, the truth/facts are laid bare without any covering.
  Do you know that Adam and Eve became intimate with one another before sex was ever mentioned? That’s because intimacy is not founded on/defined by physical(sexual) involvement with one another but on a mental/ soulish connection obtained from an awareness of a defenseless and an unconcealed truth.  You know, it’s very possible for us to act in our best behaviours the first time we meet a person…and that’s why intimacy can not be defined by love at first sight or physical attraction.  

Sex is not the essence of marriage! If it were, the bible would have recorded;

“…and he(God) brought her to the man(Adam), and he had sex with her“, but no that wasn’t the bible’s account. Infact, there was no record of “sex” until the fourth chapter of Genesis(after they were sent out of the garden.  

Would you say that they were shy to do it in the open with all the animals staring at them or that God didn’t approve of such an unholy act within His holy garden? A thousand times no!  

My room-mate’s response to that question was that Adam didn’t know about sex then. But I stand to disagree, because Adam knew things he wasn’t meant to know logically speaking…he was the same guy that gave all the animals their names and though he was in a deep sleep when God formed his wife Eve, as soon as he woke up he knew she was the bone of his bone. I bet Adam knew about sex, and much more -he also knew about the right order and progression to building a relationship (even with his wife) .

The truth of the matter is that, God is the originator and inventor of sex- an act, designed to foster(not create) intimacy in marriage.  

The devil’s intention and actions has always been to pervert the truth. Sex before marriage is a progression in a wrong direction. God is a God of process and progression, and in His infinite wisdom He fashioned a relationship to grow in a linear progression, that is from a soulish(friendship) to a spirit(fellowship) to a bodily pattern(meant for marriage),  and not the reverse-a desire for sex without friendship nor fellowship.

The devil has succeeded in getting people to rush for the finish point before ever starting the race, a twist in a God-progression which eventually leads to break up and divorce.

  Our world has taught us that intimacy is built with our clothes off (in bed), true intimacy is attained with our clothes on, in the place of friendship and fellowship.    
It’s been a week, but last week Saturday( 5th of October ) was one of the sweetest and most beautiful days in this year, and I haven’t recovered from that experience. It was a time spent with a dear friend(and Christian writer…you need to read her short stories- they are absolutely graceful, fellowshipping with one another as we shared our faith in Christ and relate on a soulish level, in an atmosphere of pure love(without “ulterior”motives or physical involvement). I would trade anything for such moments of intimacy.  

Focussing on sex and other forms of physical involvement is only a deception of the devil to make us major on the minor and minor on the major . There is a proper place for sex (which is in marriage -to enhance a relationship that has been built on friendship and fellowship), and God designed it for our pleasure and His glory.  

Sex does not and can not sustain a marriage, more less a pre-marriage relationship!  

PS. To all those who are yet unmarried(and that includes me)…the essence of a pre-marriage relationship should be to build friendship and fellowship; to get to a point of soul merging, not sexual meeting.  

Hope you were blessed?

Feel free to “like”, share and add your comments.  

Have you accepted Jesus as your Lord and Saviour?

If not, please kindly say this simple prayer:  

Dear Jesus, thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. Today, I believe in my heart and I proclaim with my mouth that God raised you from the dead. I receive the salvation you offer and I declare you as Lord over my life. I am now a new creation and all things have become new. Praise God, hallelujah!    

Always remember,you are deeply loved, highly valued and always accepted by God.

Peace & love.xo  

Anuoluwapo Ademuyiwa

Tagged: awareness, faith, fellowship, focus, friendship, intimacy, marriage, motive, nakedness, pre-marriage, relationship, salvation, sex, shame, truth